So you’ve decided to tie the knot with the love of your life, but there’s a catch – you have to live with his or her entire clan under one roof. Welcome to the world of joint families, where you’ll never have a dull moment, but also never a moment of peace. Living in a joint family can be a blessing or a curse, depending on how you look at it. On one hand, you’ll have a lot of support, company and fun with your new relatives. On the other hand, you’ll also have to deal with a lot of drama, gossip and interference from them. How can you make the best of this situation and enjoy your married life without losing your mind? Here are some tips and tricks to help you out.
- Carve out your own space and time
One of the biggest challenges of living in a joint family is the lack of privacy and personal space. You may feel suffocated or overwhelmed by the constant presence and activity of other people around you. You may also crave for some alone time or couple time with your spouse, but find it hard to get. The solution is to create some boundaries and rules for your own space and time. For example, you can have a room or a corner that is exclusively yours, where you can relax, read, work or do whatever you like. You can also ask other family members to respect your privacy and knock before entering your room. You can also plan some outings or trips with your spouse or friends to escape from the crowd once in a while.
- Stay away from the drama and gossip
Also Read: These 5 couple therapies can strengthen your relationship with your partner
Another challenge of living in a joint family is the endless drama and gossip that goes on among the family members. There may be conflicts, arguments, misunderstandings, complaints and backbiting among the relatives. Some family members may be nosy, judgmental, manipulative or controlling. This can create a lot of stress, resentment and negativity in the household. The solution is to stay away from any controversy or drama that does not involve you directly. Do not take sides or participate in gossiping or criticizing others. Instead, focus on building positive relationships with the family members who are supportive, respectful and friendly. You can also avoid engaging in topics that are sensitive or controversial, such as politics, religion or finances. If you witness or experience any unfair or hurtful behavior, speak up calmly and assertively or seek help from someone you trust.
- Don’t compare or compete with others
Another challenge of living in a joint family is the comparison and competition that may arise among the family members. There may be expectations, standards and norms that are imposed on the newcomers by the elders or the peers. There may also be jealousy, envy or rivalry among the siblings, cousins or spouses over various aspects of life, such as education, career, income, appearance, lifestyle or parenting. This can affect your self-esteem, confidence and happiness. The solution is to avoid comparing yourself or your spouse with others in the family. Remember that everyone has their own strengths, weaknesses, goals and preferences. Appreciate your own achievements and qualities and celebrate those of others. Do not let others’ opinions or judgments define your worth or happiness. You can also communicate your expectations and needs to your spouse and other family members clearly and respectfully. Seek their support and cooperation in fulfilling your aspirations and dreams.
- Balance your work and life
Another challenge of living in a joint family is the added responsibility and workload that comes with living in a large household. There may be more chores to do, more mouths to feed, more bills to pay and more events to attend than before. There may also be more demands and obligations from other family members, such as taking care of the elders, children or guests, helping out with household tasks or business matters or contributing financially or emotionally to the family welfare. This can affect your physical, mental and emotional health. The solution is to balance your personal and professional life with your family life. Do not take on more than you can handle or sacrifice your own needs for others’. Learn to delegate tasks, share responsibilities and ask for help when needed. You can also negotiate your roles and duties with your spouse and other family members according to your abilities, interests and availability. You can also set some priorities and goals for yourself and your spouse and work towards achieving them together.
- Conservative clothing and behavior
Another problem that people face when they marry into a joint family is the conservative clothing and behavior that may be expected from them by the elders or the tradition of the family. There may be restrictions on what one can wear, eat, drink, watch, listen to or do in the house or outside. There may also be pressure to conform to certain customs, rituals or practices that may be unfamiliar or uncomfortable for the newcomers. This can affect the individual’s freedom, expression and identity. Try to respect the culture and values of the family, but do not compromise your own beliefs and preferences. You can wear what you like, but be mindful of the occasion, place and audience. You can also choose to participate in some of the family traditions, but do not feel obliged to follow everything blindly. You can also educate yourself and your spouse about the reasons and meanings behind some of the customs and rituals and appreciate their significance. You can also introduce some of your own culture and values to the family and share your perspectives and experiences with them.
- Respect and communicate with the elders
Another challenge of living in a joint family is the ego issues and power struggles that may occur among the family members. There may be conflicts, disagreements or disputes over various matters, such as money, property, inheritance, authority, decision-making or discipline. There may also be dominance, interference or manipulation from some family members who may try to impose their views or will on others. This can affect the harmony, peace and cooperation in the household. The solution is to respect and communicate with the elders and the head of the family. Do not challenge or confront them unnecessarily or disrespectfully. Instead, try to understand their point of view and empathize with their feelings and concerns. You can also express your opinions and suggestions politely and diplomatically. You can also seek mediation or arbitration from a neutral or trusted person in case of any serious or unresolved conflict.
- Spice up your romance and intimacy
Another challenge of living in a joint family is the lack of couple time and romance that you may experience due to living in a crowded and busy environment. There may be less opportunities for intimacy, communication, fun or adventure for the couple. There may also be more interference, expectations or opinions from other family members regarding their relationship or marital issues. This can affect the bond, love and satisfaction of the couple. The solution is to spice up your romance and intimacy with your spouse regularly. You can plan some dates, outings, trips or surprises for each other. You can also do some activities, hobbies or interests together that you both enjoy. You can also communicate your feelings, thoughts, needs and desires to each other openly and honestly. You can also seek some privacy and intimacy in your room or elsewhere when possible. You can also avoid discussing your personal or marital problems with other family members unless absolutely necessary.
- Adjust and adapt to the new culture and environment
Another challenge of living in a joint family is the adjustment issues and culture shock that you may go through due to moving into a new environment with different people, habits, rules and expectations. There may be difficulties in adapting to the new lifestyle, language, food, climate or social norms of the family. There may also be homesickness, loneliness or isolation from your own family, friends or community. This can affect your mood, confidence and well-being. The solution is to adjust and adapt to the new culture and environment with an open mind and heart. Give yourself some time and patience to adjust and adapt to the changes. Learn as much as you can about the family history, background, culture and values. Be friendly, polite and courteous with all the family members. Show interest and involvement in their lives and activities. Seek support and guidance from your spouse or someone you trust in case of any difficulty or challenge. Keep in touch with your own family, friends or community through phone calls, messages or visits.
Conclusion:
Living in a joint family can be a rewarding experience if you are willing to embrace it with an open mind and heart. It can also be a learning opportunity for you to grow as a person and as a partner. Remember that every family has its own strengths and weaknesses, joys and sorrows, challenges and opportunities. The key is to find a balance between your individuality and your belongingness, between your rights and your responsibilities, between your freedom and your respect.