I have seen a lot of posts on the internet about how to escape a violent partner in abusive relationships. This list is more for the people in those situations, with not much mention for their loved ones or bystanders who are trying to help them. This is because it’s not often talked about and many people don’t realize this type of violence exists and that they are even not alone. So here’s some tips to help you escape if you’re in an abusive relationship.
Always inform someone
Call someone of authority, the police or even a DV hotline. If you don’t have any of those available, call a friend, family member, or anyone to get yourself out of the situation. It’s OK if you don’t have anyone to call, there are hotlines that help and support people like you.
Make sure you have your purse or car keys on hand for an emergency getaway if possible. Also make sure your clothes and things are ready to go so you can leave at a moment’s notice without having to pack it up while your partner is asleep in the other room. If you have kids with you, pack their things as well. If they’re small enough, get them dressed and ready to go before leaving the home.
Know your place to have a shelter
Know where to go. If they can, make sure you have a friend or family member nearby to take you in for a few days or weeks so your partner doesn’t find you easily. Go somewhere no one knows where it is. Hide out at a hotel until your partner can’t find you on account of not having the address or knowledge of the area around it. You can also call a DV hotline and get temporary shelter from them if needed, if there is such an option in your area that is (and there probably is).
Always keep your phone to yourself
If you still have your phone, take it with you. This is really important. If you’re with your partner when they start getting aggressive or violent, for instance if they grab their gun and point it at you or something, immediately call the police and let them know what’s going on (you don’t have to give them your location). The police can help put a stop to things or at least figure out how serious the situation is so they can take appropriate action. The police will also be able to trace where the calls are coming from and where most of the calls are coming from as well as giving up that information if they want. This is important because the police can then respond in a way that helps you more if you’re calling from your home. If you’re at a public place, they can send someone over to check things out there but they won’t be able to see what’s going on.
If you can, go somewhere where there will be witnesses. This would also be convenient if the situation would get violent and escalate into something worse.
If your partner has a gun and they threaten to use it, immediately leave. If they do use it, leave immediately. If they don’t have a gun and are just threatening with it, then leave immediately. Leave the house no matter what. Do not be going back to get your stuff especially if you have any kids or other dependents with you at the time. There are shelters that can help you get all of your things and also pay for a hotel room for a week or two until you can figure out what’s going on and where you’re going next.
Take the help of your friend if needed
Take someone with you if possible, like a friend or family member who can hold onto your kids while you get away from the situation safely.
If you have access to a weapon, take it. This is not recommended but if you are in an extremely dangerous situation, taking the gun or knife out of your partner’s hand and using it against them is something that thought should go into. If they were to threaten you with a knife or gun, it’s often better to take it from them and use against them than just sit there and let them hold onto it while they threaten or hurt you. If the issue isn’t that serious but this still sounds like something you’d consider doing, putting a safe distance between yourself and your partner when having a similar situation is how I would do things.
Conclusion
Take all of your things if possible. If you have children with you and your partner is violent, take ALL of your kids with you. If you don’t have that option, leave them with a family member or friend or even ask someone to look after them while you leave the house. Do not go back for your things if they are in the house if both of these situations are true.
Take your pets if possible or send them to a family member or friend’s house nearby. Dogs and cats can be very useful as well since they can sometimes scare people who would otherwise use violence against them. They can also help by alerting people in the area as to what’s going on if they start barking or making noises near some neighbors’ houses or something like that.